watching as we speak....

  • SHERLOCK (indignantly): “Boffin”. “Boffin Sherlock Holmes”.
  • JOHN: Everybody gets one.
  • SHERLOCK: One what?
  • JOHN: Tabloid nickname: ‘SuBo’; ‘Nasty Nick’. Shouldn’t worry – I’ll probably get one soon.
  • SHERLOCK: Page five, column six, first sentence.
  • (John turns to the relevant page. Sherlock goes over to the fireplace, picks up the deerstalker, holds it up and punches it angrily.)
  • SHERLOCK: Why is it always the hat photograph?
  • JOHN (looking at the newspaper article): “Bachelor John Watson”?
  • SHERLOCK: What sort of hat is it anyway?
  • JOHN: “Bachelor”? What the hell are they implying?
  • SHERLOCK (holding up the hat and twisting it back and forth rapidly): Is it a cap? Why has it got two fronts?
  • JOHN (glancing up briefly): It’s a deerstalker. (He reads more of the article.) “Frequently seen in the company of bachelor John Watson ...”
  • SHERLOCK: You stalk a deer with a hat? What are you gonna do – throw it?
  • JOHN (looking at another part of the article): “... confirmed bachelor John Watson”!
  • SHERLOCK: Some sort of death frisbee?